What I’m Not Watching Tonight: ‘Crowned: The Mother of All Pageants’
The Newest Form of TV Torture Is Here
I knew that the current writers strike would eventually lead to an onslaught of reality fare, but The CW’s latest entry actually has me anticipating its other unscripted series with a dreadful title, Farmer Wants a Wife. That one at least promises to introduce me to a world that hasn’t been shoved down my throat on television recently. Crowned: The Mother of All Pageants, on the other hand, is giving me dry heaves already, and the only portion of the show that I’ve been subjected to before the 9pm EST premiere tonight is the highly annoying, silly, and oft-played commercial.
The description on the CW website reads in part: “Crowned: The Mother of All Pageants explores one of life’s most emotional and volatile relationships as mothers and daughters from all walks of life compete together—and against other mother/daughter teams—in order to win a no-holds-barred beauty pageant.”
Maybe it’s because I already have a mother to explore our allegedly “emotional and volatile relationship” with that I couldn’t care less about the premise of the series. More likely, however, it’s the “no-holds-barred beauty pageant” detail that’s sending chills up and down my spine. If you’re going to focus a TV show on mothers and daughters, why not feature a few who are doing something that’s truly important? Is that so unimaginable or undoable?
First The Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll and now this. I’m starting to think that The CW’s perennially low ratings are cosmic payback instead of just growing pains. Enough with the vapid time-wasters on the tube that make women look incapable of significant accomplishments.
After tonight, Crowned: The Mother of All Pageants airs Wednesdays on The CW at 8pm EST, with encores on the following Sundays at 9pm and Tuesdays at 8pm (Ahhh!!!—Just gouge both my eyes out with a straightened paperclip right now!)
Crowned: The Mother of All Pageants photo courtesy of The CW
