Top 10 Things Sanjaya Malakar Should Do Now That He’s Off ‘American Idol’
Many Golden Opportunities Await Dumped Teen Crooner
It’s official—viewers finally saw the light (and/or cleaned the wax out of their ears) and decided not to vote for American Idol‘s most famous teen wonder, Sanjaya Malakar. It’s about time because I was starting to worry that the lightweight crooner might actually become the next champion. In light of these unexpected developments—unexpected because I really thought his teenybopper fan base would keep him around until at least the Round of 3—I’ve compiled a brief list of the many exciting options that Sanjaya should now seriously consider pursuing. And don’t forget: As the agonizing moans and screams of protest from his remaining groupies sound around the world in discordant non-harmony as bad as the hair maven’s singing, also take a moment to visit Vote for the Worst to see who the infamous site has crowned the next suckiest contestant worth wasting your vote(s) on. I also recommend its prominently featured and highly entertaining Mail Bag letters from VFTW haters, located near the middle of the homepage.
Top 10 Activities for American Idol Alum Sanjaya Malakar
- 10. Open a karaoke bar in your hometown and make yourself the featured entertainment act every night.
- 9. Intern at Howard Stern’s radio show.
- 8. Start blogging American Idol at TV Guide.com as one of the celebrity bloggers and make especially vicious and snarky comments about Simon Cowell.
- 7. Take a trip to India so residents can finally find out who you are.
- 6. Score a gig as Ryan Seacrest’s personal manny assistant.
- 5. Apply for a job—any job—at Simon Cowell’s record company under an assumed name and, after you’re hired, stop by his office everyday just to say hi and chitchat.
- 4. Contact MTV or VH1 about a potential reality show featuring you and your hottie Hooters sister Shyamali.
- 3. Become a hair model.
- 2. Restart Milli Vanilli with fellow notorious Idol wannabe William Hung, this time with real “singing.”
- 1. Accept every single advertising, celebrity, and personal appearance gig you’re offered in the next few years—no matter how wacky, as many of them will likely be—and then live off the bucket loads of money you rake in for the rest of your life while laughing uproariously at anybody and everybody who continues to make fun of you.
American Idol currently airs Tuesdays at 8pm EST and Wednesdays at 9pm EST on Fox
Sanjaya Malakar photo courtesy of Fox
