TV Jots

Although co-hosts Tom Bergeron and Samantha Harris continue to proclaim that this season has produced the tightest competition in the series’ history, there was little evidence of exceptional quality in the fourth performance episode. In fact, aside from Joey and Kym, none of the couples truly advanced past their prior performance levels, resulting in a quite dull ninety minutes. The two dances on display were the melodramatic, foot-stomping Paso Doble—the dance of the bullfight—and the romantic and graceful Waltz. Before the participants hit the floor, however, head judge Len Goodman put them on notice that because they’re averaging only thirteen hours of practice each week, as compared to the nineteen hours dance partners completed in previous seasons, their mediocre and similar efforts are relegating them to being good dancers instead of great dancers, a distinction that his scores will now reflect. And with that not-so-subtle warning, Len became my favorite judge.

Laila Ali/Maksim Chmerkovskiy—Paso Doble

• While Laila was as beautiful and competent as ever, the lack of forceful emotion in her dancing kept the pair from making good on their assertions in the rehearsal footage that they would get back on top after the night’s performance. Len called the routine Flamenco, Bruno Tonioli claimed Laila went backwards, and Carrie Ann Inaba advised the boxer to open up and demonstrate more flexibility. All of the comments were spot on and coincided with my identical score of 7.
• Score: 7 (Carrie Ann), 7 (Len), 7 (Bruno) = 21/30 Points

Apolo Anton Ohno/Julianne Hough—Waltz

• The elegant Waltz is not a good dance for Apolo due to his general stiffness and lack of fluid motion. As a result, when he performed, it was very obvious from his heavy, clunky movements that he’s an athlete in a sport that requires power and speed, not grace and precision. Nevertheless, the skater is really fortunate he’s partnered with bubbly, lithe Julianne, whose choreography, training, and sunny demeanor have done a good job so far of not only minimizing Apolo’s dancing weaknesses, but maximizing his basic appeal. I’m certain the couple will not take the grand prize, but that won’t be for lack of trying on the parts of Carrie Ann and Bruno, both of whom seem to have a weird, slightly disturbing crush on Apolo, repeatedly gushing praise at him every week. This time it was Bruno claiming the pair were the Dream Team and crowned jewels of the competition, while Carrie Ann jumped up and down—for real; I kid not—like a teenage ditz and called them sophisticated and wonderful. What they see about Apolo that’s so great I don’t, and thankfully neither does Len, who correctly observed that his outing was “riddled with bad footwork.” I gave Apolo and Julianne a 7 because they were no better than Laila and Maksim, and definitely not 9s.
• Score: 9 (Carrie Ann), 8 (Len), 9 (Bruno) = 26/30 Points

Leeza Gibbons/Tony Dovolani—Paso Doble

• Leeza and Tony’s routine marked the beginning of a long, continuous slide into painfully mediocre dancing in the fourth round. The talk show host—who happens to be one of the best-looking 50-year-olds anywhere—could not have been stiffer if she were made of wood, which is hard to accept since she obviously puts forth a full effort during rehearsals. There’s only one explanation, namely that Leeza simply does not have the “it” required to look good while dancing. After the routine, I was certain that she would be the celebrity to go home in the third elimination round … that is, until the next three underwhelming couples, excluding Ian and Cheryl, performed, making the vote-off a true toss-up. Carrie Ann’s comments about Leeza’s perpendicular posture and small movements were thoroughly accurate, as were Len’s triple “dull” assessment (he thought it was her worst performance thus far) and Bruno’s typically florid phrasing accusing the routine of being the “diet version of the Paso Doble.” No matter how much I wish I could have scored her higher, Leeza only got a 5 from me, as well.
• Score: 6 (Carrie Ann), 5 (Len), 5 (Bruno) = 16/30 Points

Ian Ziering/Cheryl Burke—Waltz

• It’s hard not to appreciate Ian’s performances, even when they’re average, because he’s clearly devoted to dancing as well as possible. The routine was on the boring side, but that’s the nature of the dance and not the fault of Ian and Cheryl’s interpretation, in my opinion, which is why I gave them an 8. Len criticized Ian’s occasionally bad posture, yet recognized his good work, while Bruno went on about Mr. McDreamy becoming Mr. McStiffy (!—the last phrase can be interpreted so many inappropriate ways, I’m surprised the censors didn’t bleep it out), and Carrie Ann agreed with Bruno for different reasons, reprimanding Ian for not breathing properly. Carrie Ann’s inexplicably low score of 7 after her equally inexplicable high 9 for Apolo further confirms my growing suspicions that she’s got a “thing” for the Olympic medalist.
• Score: 7 (Carrie Ann), 9 (Len), 8 (Bruno) = 24/30 Points

John Ratzenberger/Edyta Sliwinska—Paso Doble

• The only reason I know John and Edyta danced the Paso Doble in the fourth round is because the announcer said so. To be honest, I was too distracted by how mismatched the couple looked, what with Edyta in her slinky, sexy red number and John appearing to be either her grandfather or a very, very dirty old man as he danced laugh-out-loud bad. While the performance was great comic relief, like Carrie Ann, I couldn’t figure out if John was pulling our leg (in which case he succeeded fantastically) or if he was dead serious (in which case I’m a bit embarrassed for him). Good thing, then, that his 91-year-old mother was in the audience to lend her much-needed support. Incidentally, she seemed pleased with her son’s efforts, which is all he probably should care about anyway. The always hilarious (or ridiculous—take your pick) Bruno thought the magic backfired, turning John into a curse, and Len more gracefully observed that the actor was a disaster because some dances just don’t suit people well. I gave John the second 5 of the show, erroneously thinking that things could not get any worse. Then, Clyde Drexler glided onto the dance floor, and I was proved wrong.
• Score: 6 (Carrie Ann), 5 (Len), 5 (Bruno) = 16/30 Points

Clyde Drexler/Elena Grinenko—Waltz

• Surprise, surprise, surprise—the rehearsal footage showed that former NBA superstar Clyde is lazy, lazy, lazy, regularly yawning his way through practice and arriving late. Maybe that explains why he’s sleepwalking through the competition, obviously not giving a darn about how disinterested he looks. All three of the judges agreed, ripping him a figurative new one over his severely uninspired and uninspiring performances. The best quip came from Carrie Ann, who noted with frustration, “Every bit of choreography you have done looks like the same dance. Are you aware there are different styles for each dance?” And how could I leave out Bruno’s assertion that “there is more romance between Donald Trump and Rosie O’Donnell”? Len concluded the bashing by informing Clyde he should be up there with prior great sports competitors, such as last season’s champion Emmitt Smith and the second season’s runner up Jerry Rice, both former NFL players. Like the head judge, I thought Clyde’s work was only worth a generous 4.
• Score: 6 (Carrie Ann), 4 (Len), 5 (Bruno) = 15/30 Points

Billy Ray Cyrus/Karina Smirnoff—Paso Doble

• Karina apparently became a bit frustrated during rehearsals due to Billy Ray’s difficulty training. All I can say is, considering how poorly he dances (as with Apolo, Leeza, John, and Clyde, he just doesn’t have “it,” although Apolo does the best job of faking “it”), she’s lucky the singer consistently tries so hard to overcome his weaknesses. Billy Ray is possibly the most dedicated competitor on the roster, always deserving an A+ for effort. If only the result of his hard work was better dancing. It’s not, though, and this week I gave him another 6 to match last week’s, the judges’ supportive praise aside.
• Score: 7 (Carrie Ann), 7 (Len), 7 (Bruno) = 21/30 Points

Heather Mills/Jonathan Roberts—Waltz

• The rehearsal footage revealed that, contrary to what one might think, slow dances are harder for Heather because they require more balance. The Brit was also concerned about her ability to act out a romantic love story with her dance partner, someone she doesn’t actually love, while keeping a straight face. Well, the first issued was evident during the performance, while the second was not a problem at all. For the first time, Heather seemed unsteady in a routine, and her upper body in particular was surprisingly uncoordinated. I thought she deserved a 7, one point lower than Round 3. Carrie Ann echoed my sentiments that Heather was not as good as usual; yet, Len and Bruno felt her efforts were comparable to her previous work.
• Score: 7 (Carrie Ann), 8 (Len), 8 (Bruno) = 23/30 Points

Joey Fatone/Kym Johnson—Paso Doble

• Saving their very best for last, Joey and Kym turned out to be the only couple who lived up to their boasts of exceeding their own past performances. This week, the duo danced the Paso Doble to the theme from Zorro, thankfully sans any gimmicky props or goofy affectations. The result of the new attitude was near perfection, with lots of complicated, coordinated footwork and authoritative, sweeping arm movements that were a 9 all the way for me. The judges recognized the excellence, too. Len noted that the couple “really captured the flavor of [the] dance,” and Carrie Ann awarded them the first 10 of the competition. Team Joey and Kym has truly arrived.
• Score: 10 (Carrie Ann), 9 (Len), 9 (Bruno) = 28/30 Points

Judges’ Leaderboard for Week 4

1. Joey Fatone/Kym Johnson [28/30]
2. Apolo Anton Ohno/Julianne Hough [26/30]
3. Ian Ziering/Cheryl Burke [24/30]
4. Heather Mills/Jonathan Roberts [23/30]
5. Laila Ali/Maksim Chmerkovskiy [21/30]
   Billy Ray Cyrus/Karina Smirnoff[21/30]
6. Leeza Gibbons/Tony Dovolani [16/30]
   John Ratzenberger/Edyta Sliwinska [16/30]
7. Clyde Drexler/Elena Grinenko [15/30]

tv|jots Leaderboard for Week 4

1. Joey Fatone/Kym Johnson [9/10]
2. Ian Ziering/Cheryl Burke [8/10]
3. Laila Ali/Maksim Chmerkovskiy [7/10]
   Apolo Anton Ohno/Julianne Hough [7/10]
   Heather Mills/Jonathan Roberts [7/10]
4. Billy Ray Cyrus/Karina Smirnoff [6/10]
5. Leeza Gibbons/Tony Dovolani [5/10]
   John Ratzenberger/Edyta Sliwinska [5/10]
6. Clyde Drexler/Elena Grinenko [4/10]

tv|jots Leaderboard for Weeks 1–4

1. Joey Fatone/Kym Johnson [34/40]
2. Laila Ali/Maksim Chmerkovskiy [33/40]
3. Ian Ziering/Cheryl Burke [31/40]
4. Heather Mills/Jonathan Roberts [27/40]
5. Apolo Anton Ohno/Julianne Hough [26/40]
6. Leeza Gibbons/Tony Dovolani [24/40]
7. John Ratzenberger/Edyta Sliwinska [22/40]
8. Billy Ray Cyrus/Karina Smirnoff [19/40]
9. Clyde Drexler/Elena Grinenko [18/40]

Related Links: Dancing with the Stars Recaps

Dancing with the Stars airs Mondays at 8pm EST (performance) and Tuesdays at 9pm EST (results) on ABC.

Joey Fatone and Kym Johnson photo courtesy of ABC

Tags: Dancing with the Stars, Joey Fatone, Kym Johnson, reality tv, television, tv