‘Hell’s Kitchen’ 3rd-Season Premiere: The Crybaby Edition
Tears, Sneers, and Smears Mark the Season Opener
Goodness, gravy! What is going on with the latest round of contestants on expletive-filled Chef Gordon Ramsay‘s super-fun series Hell’s Kitchen? When the third season got off to a start last night, I was parked firmly in front of the TV to get a front-row view of all the testy comebacks and tasteless backstabbing that are an integral part of the show’s appeal. Well, things began well enough, first with Ramsay trying to fool us into thinking/panicking that this season might be “nicer” than the others by vowing that he won’t scream or swear. Yeah, right. Thankfully, that was just our resident Brit’s idea of fun and games.
Then we met our usual lot of fresh meat, obviously—as always—chosen to appear on the show not because of their advanced or even competent cooking skills, but because of their apparently advanced incompetence in the kitchen, not to mention their swift ability to get on our nerves and those of their fellow contestants.
When we were finally treated to a closeup look at the brave participants, my most immediate impression was the impressive fact that five of the twelve total clearly qualify as “minority”: Asian cowboy Aaron, a 48-year-old retirement home chef who seems really, really sweet … and annoying; 5’2″ Eddie, a 28-year-old grill cook whose youthful appearance belies his utter seriousness (and who also happens to remind me of a younger Jonathan Lipnicki, the former child actor who played Renée Zellweger’s son in Jerry Maguire); seemingly down-to-earth Rock, who had the audacity to try and serve Chef Ramsay frozen food—Oh, the horror!—during the very first challenge (not a good way to start off, dude); 22-year-old chef’s assistant Joanna, a bratty, self-professed conniving little you-know-what who got to bossing as soon as the teams hit the kitchen floor for the first attempted service; and 28-year-old short-order cook Julia, who had to endure being looked down upon for working in a waffle house by people who call themselves chefs but can’t even fry an egg!!!
My second impression was that whether or not a contestant is a minority mattered little once the pressure of the kitchen reached full force; still, I do commend the more inspired than expected casting.
What I ultimately took away from the first episode, however, is that viewers had better prepare for monsoon season ahead, since no less than three contestants broke down in tears in the premiere episode. Yes, that’s right: In addition to 26-year-old pastry chef Jen‘s close call with a full-on panic attack during the initial challenge of whipping up a signature dish, Aaron, Julia, and Bonnie, a 26-year-old nanny and personal chef, all turned on the waterworks, complete with unflattering facial expressions and genuine tears, for our simultaneous astonishment and joy. I mean, come on! Have these people really never seen Hell’s Kitchen before? Were they actually not aware that their teammates would do everything possible to make them look bad, while Chef Ramsay obliviously postures for the cameras and screams, demeans, and curses them up and down and all around the kitchen every single time they venture into it?
Give me a break. While I empathize with Julia, whom I totally cheered on when she fried them eggs right on her very first try, too much more of these waterfalls, and she’s going to have to stop being my favorite.
Oh, and good riddance to the first exile, 27-year-old kitchen manager Tiffany, the lamest alleged chef ever. If you can’t fry an egg, even after an hour of doing nothing but trying, then you have no business whatsoever trying to pass yourself off as a chef. Something tells me her employer is not going to be too thrilled to welcome her back into the kitchen after getting a load of her “performance.”
Hell’s Kitchen currently airs Mondays on Fox at 9pm EST
Gordon Ramsay photo courtesy of Fox
