Comics Legend Stan Lee Wants to Make You a Superhero
Well, at least he would have if you had applied to compete on his forthcoming altered reality show, Who Wants to be a Superhero?
Comic book master Stan Lee’s new Sci Fi Channel series will premiere in two weeks on Thursday, July 27, at 9pm EST. The goal of the show is to select one of 11 contestants (out of an original 200 applicants), all of whom consider themselves superheroes of one sort or another when they’re not living their “normal” lives, to appear in their very own comic book specially created by living legend Lee, as well as a movie on the Sci Fi Channel. The lucky Final Eleven competitors are:
Cell Phone Girl
Yawn—I’m bored with this one already, but she claims she can “[t]eleport from one active cell phone to another,” “[her] eyes can take digital photos,” and “[she can] download any information available on a computer.” I’ll believe it when I see it (if I manage to stay conscious that long).
Creature
Check out her hairdo and toothy sneer and you’ll probably agree the name fits like a charm. She claims she “heal[s] others with fruit and raw foods; shoots fire-beams; wields a magical bullwhip; [and] throws knives with unerring precision.” Quick! Somebody call the circus or one of those GNC stores in the mall.
Fat Momma
Apt description, especially since she “[c]an grow to five times her normal size when she gets angry, [n]eeds doughnuts to fuel her super-powers,” and “[d]iet foods weaken her and shrink her to five inches in height.” At last, my long lost sister.
Feedback
Nice name. He resembles Gary Numan, the Cars dude, and claims he “[a]bsorbs powers and abilities from video games that he plays” and “generates a feedback field that disrupts electronics within 15 feet.” I don’t know…. Sounds kinda scary, not super to me.
The Iron Enforcer
There’s no doubt that this guy is a bodyguard in real life with his wannabe pro-wrestler/Vin Diesel look, in addition to the “[d]ensest bone structure of any human,” and “mind-blowing ‘death punch.’” If he says so.
Lemuria
This one is strictly eye candy for the guys. She allegedly “[s]hoots laser-beams and fireballs; levitates; drains energy from people, animals and plants; hurls orbs of solar energy;” and looks great in a shiny gold leotard with shiny gold gloves that go up to her armpits. Whatever.
Levity
Cool name and cool powers, such as “[c]ontrols air molecules; creates force fields; [and] shoots blasts of air that can penetrate concrete.” Yeah, now we’re talking.
Major Victory
Totally retro: don’t like that moniker so much and he looks too much like a generic superhero from yesteryear with boring capabilities like “super-strength,” “super-acute vision,” and “manipulat[ing] sound waves to create noises or throw his voice.” Correct me if I’m wrong, but the last would make him more of a ventriloquist than a superhero, right?
Monkey Woman
You’re kidding—this was the best name she could come up with? Apparently so, since her—*cough* *cough*—powers include “[h]igh-tech weapons and gadgets disguised as bananas.” Really. That’s literally it, so feel free to insert a thoroughly inappropriate sex toy joke right about here.
Nitro G
Good name, but he looks about 10 years old (he’s actually 19) with his gigantic—and I do mean gargantuan—black goggles on. He also has ho-hum powers that include “[s]uper strength; super speed; flight; [and] manipulates energy.” Wake me up when he’s gone.
Ty’Veculus
This one’s strictly eye candy for the girls in his sleeveless, black leather/pleather/vinyl whatchamacallit garb. He’s a really buff fireman with a distracting red helmet/face shield thingie and more humdrum abilities, such as “[s]uper-strength; super-speed; fire resistance; [and] always detects lies because he can only hear the truth (cooorny!).” I’d still let him carry me from a burning building any day, though.
But those are just my preliminary opinions. Take a look at the real live superheroes on their Sci Fi site and judge for yourself.
