TV Jots

Be that as it may, the couples who wound up having to fake a love story for viewers—namely, Laila Ali, Billy Ray Cyrus, Clyde Drexler, and Joey Fatone—did the best they could I imagine, with varying results. Those couples who got lucky with the Samba were a different lot entirely, however, all delivering performances that were energetic, fun to watch, and entertaining from beginning to end. First up was two-time champ Cheryl Burke and dependable, focused Beverly Hills, 90210 alum Ian Ziering.

Ian Ziering/Cheryl Burke—Samba

• After a brief tiff over shimmying moves that Ian was uncomfortable with, he and Cheryl proceeded to dance their butts off, bringing some audience members to their feet for the first standing ovation of the night. The duo’s swiveling hip movements, which judge Bruno Tonioli described as being like a “power tool” at times, were particularly eye-catching. Ian and Cheryl were inarguably my favorite performers of the fifth performance round, although I do agree with judge Carrie Ann Inaba’s assessment that Ian thinks about his dancing way too much. If he would just stop concentrating so hard and get looser, he could—as head judge Len Goodman wants—rise above being merely competent to knock our socks off and ace this competition. I gave the duo a deserved 9, my high score of the episode.
• Score: 8 (Carrie Ann), 8 (Len), 8 (Bruno) = 24/30 Points

Clyde Drexler/Elena Grinenko—Rumba

• Even considering the fact that Clyde and Elena had to travel across the world to China for the retired basketball player to fulfill a prior commitment, there was just no excusing how dreadful their performance was. The dancing dragged, and Clyde moved as stiffly and, as Carrie Ann always says, “small” as ever. While Clyde appears to be one of the nicest guys alive, it’s time for him to go. I wouldn’t be surprised at all, however, if his obviously large fan base keeps him around for another week or more, despite Carrie Ann’s honest evaluation that Clyde is “the worst dancer in the competition” and Bruno’s quip that the pair’s performance was “like a rumba under an anesthetic.” Len, attempting to offer a more constructive opinion, countered that the couple at least “tried to show us a proper rumba,” but the damage of having sat through it, grimacing nonstop, was already done. My score was a considerate 3.
• Score: 4 (Carrie Ann), 5 (Len), 4 (Bruno) = 13/30 Points

Heather Mills/Jonathan Roberts—Samba

• Woops. Week 5 was definitely the performance that Heather haters—and they are plenty—have been waiting for since before Week 1. Although her leg didn’t go flying off across the dance floor, the Brit did lose her balance and fell on her “bum” at the end. Yikes! Add the lengthy footage showing Jonathan as he suffered through getting his abundant chest hair waxed off and this was by far the most painful segment of the whole competition to date. In another first, Heather wore a revealing slant- and high-cut dress that did not even pretend to hide her prosthetic leg. Revealed or not, the manmade limb held up well (until the end, of course) as Heather delivered another solid performance that Carrie Ann called “free-spirited” and Len “great,” while Bruno deemed it worthy of a “disco diva.” It was a 7 for me after subtracting a point for the final mishap (fair is only fair). Now, Heather must work on the upper body strength that all of the judges noted is lacking.
• Score: 7 (Carrie Ann), 7 (Len), 7 (Bruno) = 21/30 Points

Joey Fatone/Kym Johnson—Rumba

• During the rehearsal footage, which featured an appearance by his former ‘N Sync bandmate Lance Bass and Fresh Prince of Bel-Air actor-dancer Alfonso Ribeiro, Joey proclaimed he was not going for laughs, but love in his next performance. Unfortunately, the slower pace worked against the entertainer, accentuating his exaggerated movements until they looked“like caricatures” to Carrie Ann and “too feminine” to Len. Bruno—and apparently the audience members who delivered a rousing standing ovation—disagreed, calling Joey’s gestures “strong and soft.” I awarded the performer, newly dubbed “Have a Go Joe” by the head judge, a 7—Heather was better, but, sadly, she fell.
• Score: 8 (Carrie Ann), 8 (Len), 9 (Bruno) = 25/30 Points

John Ratzenberger/Edyta Sliwinska—Samba

• If Ian and Cheryl get my vote for best performance of the show, John and Edyta get it for most fun performance. In a stunning reversal of last week’s icky Paso Doble, John worked the dance floor like he was having the time of his life, forcing me to have the time of mine, too. The overall presentation was infinitely better than in weeks past, and John and his partner entirely deserved the praise they received from all three judges: Bruno thought the couple delivered “one of the best worst Sambas [he had] ever seen,” Carrie Ann fawned after standing in tribute that they “finally had fun on the dance floor,” and Len observed they “captured the carnival spirit.” The very well-done outing garnered a 7 in my score book, tying the pair with Heather & Jonathan and Joey & Kym.
• Score: 6 (Carrie Ann), 6 (Len), 6 (Bruno) = 18/30 Points

Laila Ali/Maksim Chmerkovskiy—Rumba

• The award for funniest rehearsal footage goes to Maksim and boxer Laila, whose fiancé, hulking former NFL wide receiver Curtis Conway, dropped by to make sure the professional dancer didn’t get too fresh with his woman. Of all the pairs cursed with performing the Rumba, Laila and Maksim achieved the best results. After the moving and polished effort, Carrie Ann declared Laila “the comeback kid,” while dramatic Bruno called her “luscious Laila, but in smoldering form.” Len went even further, stating that Laila’s dancing was the best he had seen from her, a claim he backed up by giving the couple a perfect 10, the first of the night and only the second of the season. I didn’t like the performance that much, but I did think an 8 was in order.
• Score: 9 (Carrie Ann), 10 (Len), 9 (Bruno) = 28/30 Points

Apolo Anton Ohno/Julianne Hough—Samba

• Each week, the rehearsal footage shows that Apolo has a much livelier and more engaging personality than I imagined. Nonetheless, Apolomania has me completely befuddled. While I appreciate that the ladies and some men love him because he’s such a cutie, there’s something about his stiff, tense movements while dancing that just prevents his performances from winning me over. His vivacious partner, though, is da bomb, a fact that’s propping up the Olympic speed skater big time; he should thank his lucky stars at every turn. The way the judges gushed over his and Julianne’s routine, however, I had a feeling they were going to pull off this season’s first triple 10s, and I was right. Carrie Ann called it perfection, Len brilliant, and Bruno bewitching. My score was a more reasonable, accurate, and less-than-perfect 8.
• Score: 10 (Carrie Ann), 10 (Len), 10 (Bruno) = 30/30 Points

Billy Ray Cyrus/Karina Smirnoff—Rumba

• In the last performance of the show, poor Billy Ray could not have looked more robotic and confused. Yet, as always, the sheer amount of effort he expends trying to get the moves right makes it darn near impossible to say anything too harsh about the net result. While Len observed that Billy Ray and Karina’s outing lacked romance and Carrie Ann complimented the singer-actor’s arms and toe-leads, I agreed with Bruno’s simple assessment that it just didn’t “happen for me tonight.” The colorful judge and I also both thought the performance merited a 5.
• Score: 6 (Carrie Ann), 6 (Len), 5 (Bruno) = 17/30 Points

Judges’ Leaderboard for Week 5

1. Apolo Anton Ohno/Julianne Hough [30/30—PERFECT SCORE!]
2. Laila Ali/Maksim Chmerkovskiy [28/30]
3. Joey Fatone/Kym Johnson [25/30]
4. Ian Ziering/Cheryl Burke [24/30]
5. Heather Mills/Jonathan Roberts [21/30]
6. John Ratzenberger/Edyta Sliwinska [18/30]
7. Billy Ray Cyrus/Karina Smirnoff [17/30]
8. Clyde Drexler/Elena Grinenko [13/30]

tv|jots Leaderboard for Week 5

1. Ian Ziering/Cheryl Burke [9/10]
2. Laila Ali/Maksim Chmerkovskiy [8/10]
   Apolo Anton Ohno/Julianne Hough [8/10]
3. Joey Fatone/Kym Johnson [7/10]
   Heather Mills/Jonathan Roberts [7/10]
   John Ratzenberger/Edyta Sliwinska [7/10]
4. Billy Ray Cyrus/Karina Smirnoff [5/10]
5. Clyde Drexler/Elena Grinenko [3/10]

tv|jots Leaderboard for Weeks 1–5

1. Laila Ali/Maksim Chmerkovskiy [41/50]
   Joey Fatone/Kym Johnson [41/50]
2. Ian Ziering/Cheryl Burke [40/50]
3. Apolo Anton Ohno/Julianne Hough [34/50]
   Heather Mills/Jonathan Roberts [34/50]
4. John Ratzenberger/Edyta Sliwinska [29/50]
5. Billy Ray Cyrus/Karina Smirnoff [24/50]
6. Clyde Drexler/Elena Grinenko [21/50]

Related Links: Dancing with the Stars Recaps

Dancing with the Stars airs Mondays at 8pm EST (performance) and Tuesdays at 9pm EST (results) on ABC.

Apolo Anton Ohno and Julianne Hough photo courtesy of ABC

Tags: Apolo Ohno, Dancing with the Stars, Julianne Hough, reality tv, television, tv